The True Potential of Sex | Sex Actualization

29 Jul The True Potential of Sex | Sex Actualization

SensetTrue Potential of Sex . Sex Actualization Dawn Cartright whihte greyDawn Cartwright is a Tantric visionary, sacred writer and innovator in bio-energetic Tantra fusion.

She will be  doing a Sex Actualization . Pre-Bhakti Fest Tantra Immersion

Sunday . July 31st . 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm

2525 Michigan Avenue . Suite D5 . Santa Monica . 90404

She will also be doing workshops at Bhakti Fest West September 7-12, 2016 – Joshua Tree, CA 


The True Potential of Sex . Sex Actualization

by Dawn Cartwright

We’ve all experienced it at one time or another, the feeling of dissolving that deep sex brings. A feeling that connects us to life in a way that is both powerful and mystical. As modern day lovers we are becoming increasingly aware of the connection between sexuality and the vibrancy with which we illuminate our lives.

I believe our sexuality is a means for actualizing our human potential. And the way to do that is through sexual mastery.

Something I call Sex Actualization.

On an incandescent Sunday, much like the Sunday we all shared last weekend at Wanderlust, this reality revealed itself to me. Today I’m here to share that story and unpack the true potential of sex.

Sex & Meditation

The ecstasy we feel when sexual is the very same ecstasy we experience in our meditation practice, so why is it that there’s been such a rift between the two?

The body is naturally orgasmic. The mind, not so much. Yet, wouldn’t you know it, orgasm itself is a precision focused exchange of information between the two. Orgasm, though mysterious, is a lot more straightforward than we’ve been led to believe. According to clinical sexologist, Amy Cooper, the whole purpose of sexual arousal is to focus our attention away from the stresses of life and onto pleasure. “Several body systems engage in positive feedback loops as sexual excitement increases. Each sensation or event builds on the previous ones in a response cycle that may ultimately lead to orgasm.”, says Cooper.

Feedback Loops

The brain receives information about pleasure in the genitals and sends a message to the engorgement tissues to activate, creating more pleasure in the genitals. During the excitation phase of arousal, subtle contractions in the pelvis, heighten sensation in the genitals, focusing the mind on pleasure and away from distracting thoughts. Hormones released during sexual arousal affect the type of information the brain receives, keeping the brain focused on sex.

Orgasm, it seems, is really all about positivity. It’s nature’s way of keeping us focused on pleasure and connection rather than all the other things that get in the way. Orgasm, then, is just as much a state of mind as it is a phase of sexual response. In fact, it may be how we’re meant to experience the world and each other, even when we’re not having sex.

According to neuropsychologist, Nadia Webb, we experience ecstasy in one of two ways – through the mind, as an observer,

or . . . through the body,

so that our physical and cognitive boundaries dissolve and we merge with the ecstasy that is flooding our body .

We become it.

We either take the perspective, “I am not my thoughts, I am not this experience”

or . . . the we we normally think we are expands to include the transcendent.

I encountered this experience of merging with the transcendent 25 years ago, quite by accident, quite unexpectedly. It was an experience that changed the course of my life.

A part of me discounted the experience at that time, because it seemed so unconventional. Yet it set me on a course that, I know now, has led me to my own true north. I’d like to read what I wrote, word for word, because of the intimate nature of the words and subject – and so you can feel what I felt then. So that we can all merge, in some way perhaps, with the experience just as it happened . . .

How It All Began

It was one of those effervescent Sundays, much like today, where the sun seemed to find its way into every corner of the world, and the world, adoring this undivided attention, lit up like a jewel in a store front window. The bed was tousled in a way that seduced both dreams and desires as crisp white sheets, feather duvets and soft pillows filled every edge to the brim and overflowing. My lover, a particularly striking and passionate Columbian man, pulled me into his arms and I sank into his chest and belly as our bodies emerged from the deep slumber that followed an evening of ardently arduous primal lovemaking.

My clothes lay shredded on the floor, my body was a tender map of our journey. Our loving the night before, dark and primordial, had spanned hours and lifetimes as he demanded from me the woman that I’d kept hidden from him. He entered me and then entered me again and again each time reaching a deeper and darker place within me, shattering pretense and laying me, at the last, utterly naked to him.

The morning was as bright as the night had been dark and the sunlight found its way into our bodies and every corner of the bed. The lovemaking began in that sleepy, subdued way where everything seems soft and wet and everything seems to melt into everything all at once. My lover, exotic in his beauty, arched above me and I took him in. I took him in in the mood of the morning, brilliant, strong and full. It was in this moment that I realized everything had changed. That lovemaking, for me, would never be the same, ever again.

For, as he entered me, he entered my whole being. From the moment he touched me there was nothing in me that was not filled by him. It was as if the light around us was now streaming within us from his body into mine. I was flooded by the beauty of this man and something beyond the both of us. The cool air of morning gave sharp contrast to the heat between us and as I looked into his eyes I saw something so magnificent, so familiar, yet new. I saw the man beyond the man and, even though I had no context for this experience, I knew I had encountered something so basic and true as to be absolute.

The atmosphere between us crackled with electric charge and all my senses were flooded with what could only be described as otherworldly sensation. I could see our sounds, hear the trembling of our bodies and I could smell the shift in our reality as it hit my fontanel with the impact of brimstone, some cosmic smelling salts conspiring to wake me up. There was a sound, something more like a shimmering, that brought our lovemaking simultaneously into a cellular and cosmic level and it was as if nothing had ever existed but this. I felt the world born within me, within every atom of my being.

We loved one another that morning suspended in time. And the beauty of it is just how simple that morning was to two lovers willing to see it, a morning like 10,000 other beautiful mornings. Simple and human and tender. A morning that had been waiting for us all our lives, that waits for each of us . . . to touch our hearts, give us a glimpse of freedom, of love, of This.

. . .

Life continues to gift me with spectacular “mornings” with “him” in all his glorious forms, and soon after this experience life gave me a teacher, even before I knew the word Tantra. This is where “it” began, that effervescent Sunday morning that led me to now. The place where I share with others who sense the same potential in sex that I do.

Self Actualization

Sex contains within it seeds of our potential. A potential that is actualized when we cultivate sexual mastery.

Self actualization is the desire for self-fulfilment, namely, the tendency for us to become actualized in what we are potentially. Abraham Maslow, the psychologist famous for Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a pyramid of needs which culminate in self actualization, set out to prove that humans are not blindly reacting to situations, but trying to accomplish something greater.

This informed his theory that a person enjoys “peak experiences”, high points in life when the individual is in harmony with himself and his surroundings.

6 Attributes of the Self Actualized Individual

Acceptance & Realism: Self-actualized people have realistic perceptions of themselves, others and the world around them.

Problem-Centering: Self-actualized individuals are concerned with solving problems outside of themselves including helping others and finding solutions to problems in the external world. These people are often motivated by a sense of personal responsibility (they consider themselves a part of the world rather than observers) and ethics.

Spontaneity: Self-actualized people are spontaneous in their internal thoughts and outward behavior. While they can conform to rules and social expectations, they also tend to be open and unconventional.

Autonomy & Solitude: Another characteristic of self-actualized people is the need for independence and privacy. While they enjoy the company of others, these individuals need time to focus on developing their own individual potential.
Continued Freshness of Appreciation: Self-actualized people tend to view the world with a continual sense of appreciation, wonder and awe. Even simple experiences continue to be a source of inspiration and pleasure.

Peak Experience: Individuals who are self-actualized often have what Maslow termed peak experiences, or moments of intense appreciation, wonder and awe. Even simple experiences continue to be a source of inspiration and pleasure.

Sex Actualization

The self actualized attributes are also the attributes of the masterful lover. Someone who is in harmony with themselves and their surroundings. In harmony with their sexuality and their lover.

Our genitals hold tremendous power. Power that births both dreams and desires.


“It is the place of original magic.”  Sheila Chandra


Attributes of the Sex Actualized Lover

  • The sex actualized lover knows themselves sexually. They’ve explored the vast landscape of pleasure and they’re well versed in what arouses them, brings them to the edge, takes them over and beyond it. The sex actualized lover is sexually alive. They’ve been through ups and downs in their own sexual exploration and have discovered that challenge or uncertainty in the bedroom can lead to connection and pleasure – when met with an open heart.


  • The sex actualized lover listens with their body. For the sex actualized lover, lovemaking is a full body expression of love that has the potential to grow exponentially, clothes on and off. They’ve learned that pleasure is meant to expand through the body, that it doesn’t have to be limited to the genitals. The sex actualized lover is able to merge without losing themselves, listening with their whole being, they meet the beloved on every level while maintaining a loving awareness of themselves, their values and desires.

  • The sex actualized lover knows that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The sex actualized lover takes the initiative to work through old hurts and disagreements that have clouded their vision, they take responsibility for finding the way back to an open heart because they know a closed heart hurts them most of all. The sex actualized lover is not afraid of saying “no” or setting limits when transgressions have occurred, but they don’t hold on to old baggage. The sex actualized lover maintains a sense of openness, they approach every encounter as if it’s the first time, every time.


  • The sex actualized lover is fearless, embracing the unfathomable love that arises through sex when orgasm is no longer a goal. The sex actualized lover engages in lovemaking and self-pleasure without the goal of orgasm, giving themselves the opportunity to explore pleasure, intimacy and connection with and without orgasm so that new possibilities appear in the arousal trajectory. Both men and women are more sensitive to the orgasmic response cycle when the pelvic floor is well toned and relaxed. The sex actualized lover practices pelvic floor exercises to expand arousal capacity and awareness.


  • The sex actualized lover is generous, planning activities they enjoy rather than filling their calendar with meeting after meeting or task after task. The sex actualized lover knows the allure of today’s busy world, yet consciously chooses not to add one more stressful activity to an already full calendar. They schedule time for a healthy lunch, a walk in nature, or getting together with close friends. They set up a childcare coop with other parents so they have child-free time each week. The sex actualized lover is consistently nourished and fulfilled in themselves, so much so, they are overflowing with generosity with those they love.


  • The sex actualized lover sees that that never changes. According to compassionate touch therapist, Dawn Nelson, “The ability to put your attention on another person as an individual is one of the most useful skills a sex actualized lover can develop. When I speak of the individual, I am referring to something other than someone’s physical appearance, personality or behaviour. I am talking about something that does not change. It is something other than the body, the mind, the ego, emotions, thoughts, feelings, perceptions, awareness and all the other things that we identify as being who we are.”


The True Potential of Sex

Later in his life, Maslow explored a further dimension of needs, discovering that self actualization leads to self transcendence, the experience of giving to some higher goal outside oneself. Maslow found that the actualized life leads, ultimately, to altruism.

Through sex we encounter the “other” in a profoundly intimate way. Sex, when we allow ourselves to be dissolved by it, takes us to a place where we expand our capacity to understand, to know and to care. There are few experiences in life more confronting or more connecting than sex. We come to know ourselves and the apparent other in ways we never could otherwise and we actualize our potential as human beings. In this way, our innate altruism grows.
The monumental issues we face in the world now center around altruism – understanding others who appear to be so very different from ourselves. To recognize the challenges as our own. To be a part of the solution. To cultivate, realistically, great appreciation, to live in a constant state of awe and wonder.

As unconventional as it may seem, our sexuality is a place where we can begin to make these shifts in a powerful way. I’ve seen it happen in my own life and in the lives of those around me. We grow each time we enter sex completely, each time we merge with the transcendent feelings that appear. Sex puts us in sync. We listen closely with more than just our ears. We find a rhythm that joins us and makes us one. All barriers dissolve. We leave the seat of the observer and we become a part of – all of life.

This is not only our desire. It is our destiny.

This is the true potential of sex.

Become Sex Actualized